A. Love is such a gift and of course you do have the potential of getting even more than you are probably looking for. What most people would do has nothing to do with what you should do. You should educate yourself so that whatever you decide has nothing to do with ignorance. Then you should talk to the girl and see how she is dealing with it. Is she taking drugs to prevent an outbreak? What is her history of outbreaks? Many people have herpes. Most of them have full, rich sex lives and are conscientious about not spreading the disease. The fact that she told you she has herpes means that she is one of those people and has probably always been responsible in this area. You can figure this out. This woman and love are well worth it.

A. MOVE ON. If she lied and cheated on you, why do you still want to be together? If you can say horrible things about her and to her with the intention of hurting her, how is that love? There is nothing about this relationship that is healthy. If you can't trust your partner and think you are being played you need to get out. Why would you want to be in it anyway? Next time before you speak, you might consider addressing the issue at hand, think about what you are saying, and remember if you think you are going to say something with the intention of causing your partner pain, you might want to reconsider with a few deep breaths or a good night's sleep. Take a few deep breaths and stop yourself until yo remember and only speak from a place of love.

A. You ask some very good questions. First of all, I don't know that there is a real "normal". Everyone is different. I'm pretty sure a lot of people question themselves about exactly the same issues. It sounds like you don't trust yourself or your own intuition about relationships or least this one.

I believe if we allow ourselves to go to the quiet place where all knowing exists, our intuitive self emerges. It is in that space that we know the truth. It is our own fears that will do us in every time when it comes to love. When you get out of your own way and out of the emotion of it, you will know the answer.

It is a rare day that I talk to any divorced woman who doesn't admit that she knew when she walked down the aisle that it wasn't the best decision.

If you consider getting married "pressure", you shouldn't do it. You should wait as long as you need to until you are sure. If you end up in a long distance relationship and it doesn't work out and you both are not willing to do what it takes to make it work, then it was never met to be in the first place.

A. Withholding information of any kind is detrimental in a relationship. Secrets create a multitude of issues that are often not easily repairable. While you're keeping that kind of secret can certainly cause some serious damage, there is way more going on here than your lack of disclosure.

If your boyfriend is really leaving you over Herpes, than I would seriously question his commitment and maturity. I personally wouldn't consider him "a keeper". I suggest that you have a conversation with him and see if you can get to the real reason he is no longer interested. You can't keep someone around that doesn't want to be there but you certainly can work on getting to the real truth and not simply accept his convenient excuse.

A good place to learn more about HSV 2 is: www.herpes.com/hsv1-2.html I suggest you both read it.

A. There are no red flags. His wife's suicide is not about him nor is it about you. Does he still drink "a bit"? Is drinking "a bit" a deal breaker? Is a relationship with a single father a deal breaker? Long- term deal breakers don't have to be a deterrent when it comes to dating and every dating adventure doesn't have to turn in to a long-term relationship. You should bask in the feeling of being comfortable and safe. Enjoy the moment. Worrying about "red flags" on the first date, keeps you from being present. HOWEVER, if you are only interested in long term potential, go on a few more dates and make a decision about "deal breakers" after that.

A. You are obviously not done with your relationship. In some way you need to stay connected. Doesn't mean, your destiny has some kind of romantic end. I don't believe in coincidence, there must be something to be gained for both of you by staying in contact.

A. No, the truth always lies in the statement after the "but." It isn’t that he doesn't love you but to him that has nothing to do with making changes. It sounds like he is perfectly satisfied with the way it is now. He might change his mind at some point but you can't depend on that happening. You will either have to get comfortable with what he has to offer you in the moment or you will have to find someone who is willing to go in the same direction that you desire.

A. Relax, any time someone disappears in physical form for a while it requires a period of getting reacquainted. If he is melancholy, moving will seem like a solution but in reality it requires a great deal of energy. Fortunately for you, melancholy does not lend itself to any kind of energetic movement. I doubt he will be moving anywhere anytime soon. Quit thinking about the potential and get totally present in the moment. Your absence may have been the cause of his mood. You might just be the one to reverse it.

A. If he betrayed your trust a few times, is there some reason he wouldn’t do the same thing again? Is something different? We attract what we fear most. If you don't trust, you will attract people who will betray you. Once you let go of your trust issue, you will attract someone trustworthy.

I suggest you look at trust from a new perspective. Trust that you can handle whatever comes to you—it's not about trusting other people, but about trusting yourself and your choices.

I believe that if someone really loves you, you know it. It is never what he says, it is how you feel when you are with him and what he shows you every day. If you don't feel it, it isn't there.

A. She should ask him to try to be more aware of his behavior. So that he gets how important this is to her, she also needs to tell him that this truly is a deal-breaker. In order to get what we want in a relationship, we often have to "train" our partner and let him or her know how we expect to be treated. Most of the time, what we want isn’t quite as obvious on a conscious level as your example.

A. Do you want a challenge or do you want a relationship? You can't have both. It’s time to give a relationship a chance. Give up the running shoes and surrender to the available one; you won't know if it’ll work unless you give it a try. If you don’t, you will spend a lifetime running after something you think you want and ending up with nothing.

A. This is a problem for everyone. I see it all the time in my practice. As you described it is almost impossible to meet single men out in the world. I pay close attention to where men "gather". It is so hard to find them that I notice when I do.

I hear men are at sporting events. If you are not interested in sports, this is not an ideal option because you certainly will lose them on game night. I have also seen them at Threadgills ("home-cookin") and at nicer restaurant bars, like Ruth Chris steakhouse, home cooking establishments and steak house bars. It might be possible to meet a man at http://www.meetup.com/ depending on your interest. The good thing about meet ups is that you share a common interest.

Overall, finding older single men out in the real world seems next to impossible so you will have to meet them where they hang out the most, in front of their computers. Yes I know, here is the news nobody in their 50's wants to hear, you have to go on-line. I'm sure that the simple thought of doing such a thing pains you in a thousand ways, but if you want to meet someone that has been around in the same decades, this is the best option. You can't get married if you don't meet men and the chances of you marrying the first one you meet is probably not going to happen.

I have an entire course on how to on-line date but for now, I have a few simple suggestions.

1. Pick a free service where there are many men to choose from http://www.plentyoffish.com/ might be a good one to start. I would recommend a particular on-line dating website but they change all the time. You might go with one that specializes in your "group". In your case, one that is for singles over 50. I never recommend the ones that are just about swiping and don't focus on a profile. The least important thing about you is your appearance. Why would you want to be picked based on that only? Profiles are important so prospective partners can see your "being".
2. Put who you are in your profile. What you are interested in is far less important than giving them an in-depth look at your being. If you have a sense of humor, show it. Everyone responds to someone that makes them laugh.
3. Try to ignore the picture. Rarely does anyone look like what they post and in the end, most people never end up with someone that matches the "dream" created in their state of imagination. Too many other factors are at play and they are way more important than "the look".
4. Don't wait around for the guys to find your profile. Contact anyone that you are drawn to. The old rules you had about who contacts who are gone.
5. No phone calls, no extended e-mails or texts. Meet for a cup of coffee near your home right away. You both will know within minutes if there is any "chemistry".
6. Be interesting and interested. Even if you know he isn't "it", learn something new you didn't know and impress the next guy with your new found knowledge.
7. Don't be desperate. Men can spot it across a crowded room and will run the other direction. Remember, you are not desperate. There really are "plenty of fish".
8. If you sitting on the fence, give the guy a chance. Nobody is who they really are on the first date and you probably aren't either. After all, meeting someone new is like sitting through a job interview. Making it light and being present (instead of planning the wedding) will score you some points.
9. Don't dwell on the success of the meeting. Move on and move forward. Meeting "Mr. Right" is in the numbers. You might have to meet many, many, many men to find him. But, it will be worth it when you say the "I do's".
10. If you get stuck, I write profiles, It is so hard to write about yourself or even know what to say. I have a few little tricks and I also use my intuition. This has come in quite handy when i catch someone continuing a patterns of "picking" that end with some poor results.

You can do this and with the right attitude, it can be fun. There are success stories all over the place. I'm looking forward to hearing yours.

A. I can tell this bothers you because you want to have the same clearly defined relationship. Sharing the exact same reality about what a relationship is or isn't in any form is rare. Worst, we can ask for exactly what we want and while the other person might try to give it to us, their ability could be sorely lacking. Trying to control exactly what a relationship is for someone else never works. Honestly, I don't think it is even possible for two people to love each other exactly the same because both people have different capacities in that area.

In this case, you ability to be friends or even acquaintances in a way that matches the definition either of you have is simply impossible. He obviously wants to be something but lacks the social skills you desire for you to even consider his attempts at communication acceptable behavior as a friend.

I believe in taking people exactly where they are while still maintaining boundaries. People will always show you who they are. It's our expectations that do us in. It's best not to have any because it makes for a short trip to resentment.

A. Trying to navigate the mine-field of dating can be a full time challenge. For this reason, I have narrowed down the rules to just two. Be kind and be honest. Everything else in dating is just a matter of opinion. Do what makes you comfortable. A long as you always abide by the "rules" you are playing fair and both you (and your date) get the freedom to make it up as you go. Dating is supposed to be fun. The freedom to choose spontaneously is so much better than playing by someone else's rules.

A. Since it concerns you so much it's definitely time to have the "talk". You had no agreement so you didn't break one. Telling him is up to you. I would see how the "talk" goes and if it seems appropriate at the time, tell him. If this stays on your mind, you need to tell him. A kiss that means nothing shouldn't be on your mind at all. A relationship starting with an uncomfortable secret is not a positive start.

A. Couples make their own agreements around dating and money. The male may have paid 50 years ago but not anymore. Everyone has a different opinion about this issue and there are no steadfast rules.

Here is what I think: If paying for your family was important to you, you should have told him ahead of time. If you don't tell someone what you want how can you be disappointed when you don't get it? Paying is a kind gesture but it shouldn't be expected unless it is already routine. Not paying for your family doesn't mean you and they are not significant. It just means he didn't pay (and nothing else).

The situation was awkward for everyone. I'm sure he didn't want you to feel uncomfortable but he probably felt the same way. Let it go and next time talk to him about it ahead of time.

A. First of all guilt is a completely useless emotion. It serves no purpose. It doesn't make you a better person but instead just makes you think there is something wrong with you. Enough of that, it isn't true!!! Secondly, most people would give anything to have such a great relationship. Age is arbitrary. It is just a number that we seem to get attached to for some reason. It doesn't have anything to do with anything except social security, age of consent, and when you can drink. What matters are one's actions. As far as what other people think, try saying this every day until you get over it: "What people think of me is none of my business".

BTW, one of my very first clients ever said she was concerned because the guy she was seeing was 14 years her junior. That was a long time ago and they are still very happily married.

A. I think that the best anyone can do in the beginning of a potential dating relationship is "open the door". You don't get to decide if they walk through it. I imagine the guy you were supposed to meet felt a bit invalidated (not being recognized from the first meeting). That feels like a big ouch. I wouldn't expect him to take a walk through the door. In fact, I would expect him to walk the other way. The second guy could have had a multitude of reasons that he didn't respond to your invitation but without asking, you will never know. You can ask or you can simply go out with the next one. Keep the door wide open. If you don't the right one can't walk through.

A. The only way you would look like a fool is if you were foolish enough not to ask him. You have everything to gain and nothing to lose. Really what is the worst thing that can happen? He wouldn't have contacted you if he wasn't interested or if he had any concern about how you left it. Every time we change or make a move in life we take a risk. The risk and change is where all the fun lies. Make the call.

A. First and foremost, it is completely inappropriate to date an employee. Yes, I know it is done all the time. It is unprofessional. PERIOD. Second, are you with your girlfriend until something better comes along? If she was the right girlfriend you wouldn't be keeping her in a holding pattern while you hunt for something better because you don't want to be by yourself.

Here is the high road, do your girlfriend a favor and let her go. She deserves someone that is crazy about her instead of a man who is going crazy over another woman. Next learn to live by yourself. You will be amazed at what you will discover about yourself when you are alone. By the way, alone does not mean lonely. You don't have to be with someone to be happy. When you are truly comfortable being alone and you enjoy your own company; you will be the perfect partner in a new relationship.

A. There could be many reasons why you do this but I can give you a couple possibilities. One is that we are unconsciously attracted to the qualities, both the good and bad, of our childhood primary care givers. We certainly don't do it on purpose. It just happens. In order to correct it, you will have to over-ride your natural inclinations with your intellect. When you get the red flag, like he is doing drugs or appears to be a drinking too much, get out. Don't walk. Run. When you catch your breath, smile, pat yourself on the back, and move on to the next possibility.

A. Age is not a determining factor as to if a relationship will work or not. If it is a great relationship and you are both happy, how or why would he get bored? True love relationships are rare. Don't make up an unpredictable future to mess up the amazing present you are so fortunate to be experiencing. I hope it lasts forever.

A. You and the relationship are moving too quickly. Sometimes men are more romantic during the chase than they are after the catch. It appears you are placing more significance on having a relationship than he is. One month may not have been worth a celebration to him. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you. You are just in different places. Ease off just a bit and let the relationship develop. Give him a chance to call you before you pick up the phone. He probably only calls when he has something significant to say. He may not be the "just checking in" kind of guy. If you keep moving so fast, he may never move at all.

A. Oh please, stop the madness and look for someone who is really available to you. There are people who can be friends and have the ability to become lovers and those who fall in love and never consider their partner a friend. She is in the second category and there is no moving someone like that to the first.

Her vacation actions clearly sent the wrong message. It was most likely just a spontaneous act that happened because she was out of her element and between boyfriends. She did tell you she only wanted to be friends and she shows you by treating you like a girlfriend. She meant what she said, believe her.

Really, there is nothing more frustrating than unrequited love. Please do yourself a favor and move on. Fall in love with someone who can love you back.

A. I didn't hear you say he had an issue with commitment. It may feel like forever but really it's just a month. Give him time, real life time. Drop the word "marriage" from your vocabulary for now. You waited thirty years; you can wait a little longer. Let him fall into the idea, he will come around in his own time. Don't force the issue or you may just lose the "one".

A. The reason people hit on people who are already in relationships is that they don't really want one. If they did, they'd hit on someone who was available.

Another reason is that when you are in a good relationship, you exude a happy, confident demeanor that is engaging and attractive. I am not implying that you don't and can't exude the same energy when you are single but "single energy" is usually much different and is driven by other motivators.

A. This sounds like a sexual relationship and not a partnership. Couples do things together besides "sleep-overs". If you enjoy the sex, call it what it is and don't have expectations of it ever being more than what you have now. The only thing wrong with a sexual relationship is if you want more or "feel used and hurt". If you want a partnership where you do things together, this one is a waste of time. If he wanted to do "things" with you, he would have included you a long time ago.

By the way, I wouldn't make this about you. He probably doesn't have a lot of experience in sharing his life with others and is only willing to share certain parts of himself and not the whole package with anyone.

A. A good relationship should never feel like it's settled. While relationships certainly can get comfortable over time, they should be fun and exciting forever.

Pay attention to how you are treated in the relationship. This is the best way to judge what is going on. Tell him how much you miss the kind things he would say when you were first together. It isn't always what he says but how he treats you that matters. You wouldn't feel insecure if you were being treated in a way that made you feel loved.

A. The answer is, "What does your intuition tell you?" I wonder if this is how those women felt when they met that perfect guy who was married to four other women at the same time. You know the one who lied about everything to everybody.

My dreams are not prophetic. Yours, on the other hand, might be. More importantly, if your gut feeling tells you that something isn't right, then you need to listen. Maybe he is too eager. Perhaps he really likes you and your company. I wouldn't be uncomfortable with that, but it sounds like you are. You better listen to your own intuition and start looking for someone else.

A. No. I think going back to that relationship is settling. If it wasn't good enough to hold your attention the first time, it isn't worth having at any time. Having an unsatisfying relationship is far worse than being alone. I suggest that you be by yourself for a while. You need to learn to love yourself and your own company. Coming to a relationship from a place of desire and completeness rather than from need, means you will never consider settling for less again.

A. On-line dating to the rescue. It resolves the challenge of the initial awkwardness of approaching someone new and the shallowness if just being approached because you look good. Be honest in your profile. Say that you are not good at starting conversations, but that you are a good listener. So many people love talking and really need to be heard that this would make you THE guy. Talk about the things you are interested in doing and being and say that you are looking for new friends and a potential long-term relationship.

Photo or no photo? That is the question. You can use your picture, which will probably get you lots of responses, but in the end, you risk being judged for your appearance first and everything else second. Your other option is to post your profile without a picture. If you do this, you probably have a better chance of meeting someone who wants a real friendship and is attracted to you for what you have to say about who you are, rather than for what you look like.

I'm sure you will meet a great friend and/or partner in no time.

A. I will answer this question from my own experience. I have had desire at first sight and I have had a crush at first sight, but I have never had love at first sight. For me, love takes time to develop and moves very slowly. At times my growing affection for someone comes from a sweet friendship connection. My feelings seem to move where they want, when they want, and never cease to surprise me. I have been in love, in like, and in lust many times and I have never felt exactly the same way twice. When I love it is always different from the time before. As I get older, my ability to love has become more profound and without limits.

Getting to know someone before being in love is why it is called "falling in love". Most people operate that way. I am a huge believer in friendship first. There is nothing better than when your lover is your best friend. Go for it.

A. Did you reveal something he wouldn't want others to know? You need to tell the man you're dating that you discuss your dates with your friends, and if there is anything he feels needs to be private, he should let you know. Talking to your friends about your dates is perfectly normal and is far from an act of betrayal.

A. Forget how they feel about you now. The chances of you having to choose one over the other because they are both equal are as unlikely as winning the lottery. I guarantee there will be a clear distinction after you meet. You might not match with one of them or either of them. Hurting someone's feelings will probably not even come into play here. The worst thing that could happen is that someone will be disappointed-and that someone could be any of you.

Be with Number 1 as if there were no Number 2. Then be with Number 2 is if were no Number 1. You can talk on the phone and email as much as you want, but the real truth only reveals itself in person. It is not what someone looks like, but rather a vibration between two people that has to match. Some people call it chemistry, but really it is an energy that we all exude. Have fun with both of them. Good luck.

A. There should be no rules in dating beyond courtesy and kindness. Any guy you call should feel flattered that you were thinking of him. I think all actions should reflect feelings. Have fun. Call whomever you want. If the first guy doesn't respond in a positive way, call the next one.

A. Absolutely not. The most attractive feature a woman has is her self-confidence. Weight is only an issue if you make it one. If you lack confidence in yourself, it will be more evident than anything you are carrying, including the extra pounds.

To attract a man, be friendly, exude your internal beauty, and overwhelm him with self-confidence. Walk in the room like you are the queen. Always remember any guy is lucky to have you, and if he doesn't recognize it, move on. He doesn't deserve you.

A. The deal breakers in dating can be completely different than the deal breakers in long-term relationships. Health is a tough one. The healthiest eating perfect-bodied being can have some ugly heredity destiny just waiting to unfold. You just don't know. If health in a long-term relationship is a deal-breaker for you, then just date. Having fun and doing creative things is a perfect reason to date. Dates don't have to be any more than that and they don't have to lead to anything. Whatever you do, DO NOT go on any dates that involve food. Have fun.